


For You or For Me

by Probably_Not_Batman



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcoholism, Anxiety, Blood, Depression, Eridan doesnt know how to handle feelings, F/F, F/M, Fighting (verbal), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Multi, Pale Leanings, godtier, jams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:48:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26736883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Probably_Not_Batman/pseuds/Probably_Not_Batman
Summary: Roxy Lalonde certainly never expected to stumble across a certain seadweller when exploring local reports...But for better or worse he's stuck with her. Though who exactly it would be better or worse for remains to be seen.
Relationships: Calliope/Jane Crocker/Roxy Lalonde, Eridan Ampora & Karkat Vantas, Eridan Ampora & Roxy Lalonde, Jake English/Aradia Megido (Mentioned), Jane Crocker & Jake English & Roxy Lalonde & Dirk Strider
Kudos: 10





	For You or For Me

You jump from one jagged rock to another, shivering just a bit as a wave sprays you with drops of salty water. The cliff reaches high above you, a glint of silver from the figure at the top. He stands with his face to the sea, and you can almost hear the monologue he’s probably got going on.   
  


tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]   
  


TG: dirk   
  


TT: Yes?   
  


TG: u find anythin   
  


TT: Nothing yet.

TT: You?

TG: nah   
  


TG: im startin to think this is all an urban legend or some shet like that   
  


TT: The “Holy Demon” part maybe.   
  


TT: But it’s the “freak lightning storms” bit that interests me.   
  


TG: ye ye   
  


A particularly strong wave makes you yelp and trip over the rock closest to you, the spray dampening your clothes and plastering your bangs to your forehead. You look up, expecting to see a cliff face. Instead a cool breeze washes over you from a jagged hole in the rock. A shiver accompanies another gust, as well as the need to jump right in. Of course, the first thing you must do is update the man you know is still brooding at the sunset.   
  


TG: ooh   
  


TT: What?   
  


TG: i found a cave   
  


TT: Interesting. Where?   
  


TG: in the cliff

TG: imma check it out   
  


TT: Wait for me.   
  


TG: just a lil peek   
  


TT: Roxy, no.   
  


tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pesteringtimeusTestified [TT]   
  


TT: Goddamnit, Roxy.   
  


>Roxy: take just a lil peek   
  


You push yourself to your feet and slide through the opening. The walls are damp and spotted with algae, the line of high tide clear near the top of the path. Your teeth catch your lip as you check the time, running the math in your head. There are still a few hours until high tide, but the idea of being trapped in here by endless water makes you shudder. Your gun drops into your hands, useless against the ocean but comforting you nonetheless.   
  


The cave is deeper than you thought it’d be, but you know that Dirk will be here soon to yell at you for going in alone, and somehow, that works to make you push yourself forward. Water drips down the rock walls that surround you, pooling in the dips in the floor and making a deep enough puddle that the water creeps into your sock when you take another step. You grimace to yourself, shaking your foot as though that will get rid of the gross feeling of having a wet sock.   
  


Complaining about your new uncomfortable situation is enough to lift some of the nerves from your mind, your voice echoing off the stone. As you move deeper into the cave, the ceiling dips down, the walls narrowing until you have to shimmy between them to move forward. 

Just as it gets narrow enough that you consider turning back, the cavern opens up so suddenly that you almost stumble. You’re too far inside for sunlight to reach, but the entire cavern is lit by a soft, almost blue glow emitting from the strange algae clinging to the stalactites above you.   
  


Movement in the glow makes you pause. Something that’s not quite a beetle drops off of a rocky spike and swoops into the air, hovering near you. The algae glows on its underside, seeming to shine through the thinner part of its exoskeleton. You hold out a hand and you grin widely when it alights on your finger. Its sharp legs poke at your skin, though not hard enough to hurt.   
  


The glow suddenly seems to dim and you freeze as the beetle dives from your finger, buzzing back to its safe spot among the algae. A sharp clicking, the sound of something hard against stone, punctuates the dripping water. A low growl reverberates through the cave. It’s the kind of sound that isn’t something you hear so much as you feel it in your chest, rattling against your ribs.   
  


The hair on the back of your neck stands up, the salt-heavy air suddenly seeming colder. You turn your head slowly, freezing again when you see tendrils of white creeping their way across the dark stone. Their harsh light mutes the gentle blue of the glow above you, a smoky solid that your hand would go right through as easily as they could grab you.   
  


They reach out but stop just short of touching you. You hear the growl again, this time only feet away. A voice in your head screams that you’re a god, steeling the resolve in your stomach that makes you turn sharply rather than running. 

You level your gun at the thing behind you, your finger pausing on the trigger.   
  


Your sudden movement cuts the growl off, the source of it staring at you. He’s a troll, that much you can recognize from the wide fins and jagged horns. He stands a few inches taller than you, his eyes seeming to glow violet, although the rest of him is either hidden in shadow or wreathed by the same white tendrils that paint the walls of the cave.   
  


He bares his teeth at you, but he pauses when you don’t back down. He’s examining you, your stance, your gun, your God Tier clothing. Realization washes over his expression and he slumps, the white around you beginning to retract into him. It disappears into the shadows that cover him, and then those fade as well. 

Suddenly, the creature in front of you is merely a troll, his brows furrowed and the fangs that worry his lower lip lit faintly by the blue from above. You don’t know if it was just a part of the illusion, but he seems smaller. Maybe it’s the way he’s now slouched, his unkept hair hanging in his face. His horns tilt forward, but you can see the way they’re flaking.   
  


Their shape makes you pause, familiar in a way that doesn’t hit you for a second. 

“Ampora?” You finally ask, making him freeze before he stands a little taller in a way that he obviously means to be intimidating but only shows off how extensively he’s not okay. The only time you can remember seeing him, he’d been slim and put together, with carefully styled hair and clothes but now…   
  


His clothing is clean but worn, small tears visible at the neckline and the cuffs of his sleeves. He still has enough muscle definition to be noticeable, so he’s not scrawny like Captor, but he’s certainly skinner than he should be. It’s noticeable in the way his skin seems stretched over his cheekbones, his tired eyes and the bags that cradle them almost hidden behind surprisingly clean glasses.   
  


You wonder exactly how long he’s been in here by himself, if anyone had seen him or the white tendrils that still flashed in your mind. Suddenly the local legends that had brought you here made a lot more sense. 

Could his God Tier powers be contributing to the lightning storms? If so, was he even aware of it?   
  


“W-what are you doin here?” he finally says, his voice barely rising above a whisper and sounding painful in a way that makes you wince.   
  


“Demon hunting,” you reply with a shrug, flashing a patented Roxy-Lalonde-friend-making grin at him. “Ya seen any around?”   
  


He doesn’t return the smile, only looking at you like you might be insane, which you suppose is fair. “If you’re just here for nonsense, get out,” he finally hisses, his fins flicking at you. You roll your eyes, tapping your chin in mock thought.   
  


“Hmm, nope!” You lower your gun, still cradling it but you’re getting more ‘grumpy’ than ‘threatening’ from him. “Not until I figure out what’s got the locals in a tizzy. You wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with that, would ya?”   
  


His shoulders tense in a way that tells you he absolutely does, but he just bares his teeth at you again. “None a your fuckin business, Lalonde,” he growls.   
  


“Aw, you know who I am,” you say teasingly, following his wary gaze and he chews on his lip. “Any who, they were sayin something about ‘freak lightning storms,” you continue, making air quotes around your words. “I’m kinda startin to wonder if it’s not so much lightning as it is that creepy white light shit you got goin on.”   
  


He looks antsy, his fins slowly pressing against the sides of his head before he seems to force them to flare. “Fuck off. No one’s gotten hurt or anywhere close to it.”   
  


“Mhm, and I suppose that doesn’t count the shit that got scared outta them?”   
  


A short growl punctuates your question as he snaps his teeth at you. “Ain’t my fault if they’re to fuckin stupid to quit explorin this place.”   
  


You open your mouth to say something else, but suddenly his eyes are fixed at a point over your shoulder, his fins flared out and flapping angrily. His lips pull back into a deep snarl, and when you take a moment to glance behind you he lunges. His clawed hands wrap around your wrists, forcing your gun from your hands. It hits the ground with a loud clatter as your back is pressed to his chest, the overly long claws of one hand pressed firmly to your neck.   
  


In the opening you came through, you see Dirk, crouched into a fighting stance with his sword in his hands. His shades are on, but you bet he’s looking for any opening he can find in Eridan’s form without risking your throat.   
  


“Get out!” you hear him hiss, his cold breath freezing against your neck. “Or we’ll see how easy it is for one God to cull another.” His voice sounds stronger than when it was just you, but you can feel how badly his hands are shaking.   
  


Before Dirk can start on some ‘release her’ speech, you shift your feet and grab the hand around your throat, using your body weight and the fact that he’s only slightly heaver than he looks to swing him over your shoulder.   
  


He hits the ground with a heavy thud, the air wheezing from his mouth as the rocky floor makes contact with his head. You kneel beside his limp form, pressing two fingers to his neck and letting out a sigh of relief.   
  


He’s just unconscious.   
  


And now there’s a sword between you and the skinny troll, Dirk trying to nudge you back. “Get away from him, Rox. He might be faking.”   
  


You roll your eyes and kick his sword out of the way. “Yeah, he’s totally faking. You see that, DiStri, total picture of false unconsciousness. I think he’s faking so hard that 

he might actually have passed out.”   
  


He opens and closes his mouth before pressing his lips into a thin line. You wink at him, crouching again and examining the troll before you. He looks even more malnourished now that he’s not trying to look tough.   
  


“Come on, Rolal,” Dirk says. “We know what the ‘demon’ is now. We can send Peixes or Vantas here to take care of him. They’ve dealt with him before.”   
  


“He’ll probably be gone before they get here,” you say, poking his cheek with a black painted nail.   
  


“We could make sure he couldn’t leave,” Dirk says, and you give him a look.   
  


“Put your sword away already,” you say, hoisting Eridan up over your shoulder.   
  


“Wait,” Dirk says, dropping his sword into his sylladex and stepping in front of you. “We’re not taking him back with us.”   
  


“Well, we don’t have to, but I am,” you say, trying to step around him. He keeps blocking your path, making you huff. Stupid fast Striders. “Come on, Dirk.”   
  


“He just tried to rip out your throat, Rox,” Dirk argues, looking like he’s about to rip the troll away from you.   
  


“Probably because he had a bunch of armed Gods flooding his cave.” You roll your eyes, trying to pretend you’re as nonchalant as you’re acting. “I don’t think you’d react well to that kind of ambush either.”   
  


Dirk shifts, visibly gritting his teeth in the way he always does before you win.   
  


“And if he tries anythin at the house, we’ve all got weapons and powers and you have your ninja bullshit.” You grin as he finally lets you walk past him, though you have to take Eridan off of your shoulder to get the two of you through the narrow entrance. 

“We’ll have Janey heal him up.”   
  


“And find out why he’s been terrorizing the locals,” Dirk adds.   
  


“Hey, sometimes a dude just wants to protect his cave,” you shrug, glancing at the troll in question. “Hey, DiStri?”   
  


“Yeah?” he says, scooping Eridan from your hands and slinging him over his own shoulder.   
  


“I was doing just fine!” you protest, but you don’t really care enough to fight Dirk on this. At the very least, you trust him not to drop the troll. Still, you huff again just for the principle of it before going back to your question. “There… there weren’t any injury reports from the locals, were there?”   
  


You can see Dirk’s eyebrow creeping above his shades. 

“Put that down.”   
  


He snorts, but the eyebrow does disappear behind his shades again. “There were some bumps and bruises from running away from the ‘demon’, but no, there was no reports of direct injuries.”   
  


You nod thoughtfully, looking at the troll on Dirk’s shoulder. “At least he didn’t hurt anyone? I don’t think he would have hurt me either, he just wanted us out of there.”   
  


“Remind me again why we’re taking him with us, then?”   
  


“Because it’s not good for someone to be alone like that! Isolated…” you think back to your own house surrounded by water, surrounded by people but still alone. You know Dirk is probably giving you a sympathetic look. He understands, you know he does, you just don’t really need to see that look right now.   
  


“You can’t save everyone, RoLal,” he says quietly.   
  


“Maybe not, but I think everyone’s suffered enough,” you shoot back.

He’s silent, but you still don’t look at him, letting the natural ambience around you fill the silence as you finally exit the cave. The sun is lower than you thought it’d be, your sense of time thrown off a little by the dark of the cave.   
  


“So…do we warn Jake and Jane or…”   
  


“Let’s make it a surprise,” you chirp, skipping across a few rocks before launching yourself into the air. “You gonna be able to fly with him?”   
  


“I’ll be just fine, Roxy,” he says, rising up with much less show than you had. You grin at him, a mischievous glint in your eyes.   
  


“Hey, Dirky?”   
  


“Don’t.”   
  


You grin wider.   
  


“Don’t you dare-“   
  


“Race ya home!” You call out, taking off and hearing him yell after you. With only a few glances behind you to assure he’s still carrying the seatroll, you stay ahead easily. The smile falls from your face and you take a deep breath.   
  


A dull ache settles behind your eyes, but by the time you land you’re plastering on a smile again. The house before you is two stories of adorable, with a wraparound porch to match. Jane’s bright garden lines the front like any well kept suburban yard (even though your happy little home is plopped in the middle of the woods). A large greenhouse sits behind it, filled with whatever vegetables Jade and Callie felt like growing. The fading light of the sun casts an orange glow over the building, one that illuminates Jane as she opens the door.   
  


She smiles at you, and you feel your grin become a little more genuine. How could you possibly be tired when you have so many people to be happy for?   
  


“Roxy, you’re home!” you hear a soft voice say from behind her before your arms are suddenly full of cherub. Callie isn’t wearing her wig today and you kiss the top of her head with a giggle. She stands on her tiptoes to give you a proper peck, though your reunion with your beautiful girlfriend is interrupted by your other, equally beautiful, girlfriend.   
  


“Dirk? Who is that?” she exclaims with all of the concern of someone who just saw their friend carrying a body.   
  


“Ampora,” he says simply, landing beside you and greeting Callie with a hair ruffling gesture, though it’s less effective when she’s not in her wig.   
  


“We found our ‘holy demon’,” you announce. “And I might have, kinda, maybe a little bit, knocked him out.”   
  


Jane glances at you, raising an eyebrow at your sheepish grin. “And how exactly did you do that?”   
  


“He threatened her-“   
  


“Dirk freaked him out with the sword and I maaay have slammed him into the ground.”   
  


“Roxy!”   
  


“In my defense, he did have claws like, right next to my throat.”   
  


“And yet, you still wanted to bring him home,” Dirk says as Jane gives the troll a wary look.   
  


“He’ll be fine,” you insist, waving a hand at them. “Trust me.”   
  


The look Dirk gives you is thoroughly unimpressed, but the fact that Jane is already examining the injury on his head lets you know that you’ve won. Jane can’t resist the opportunity to help any more than you can.   
  


“Let’s get him inside so I can take care of this,” Jane says, pulling Dirk in the door and confirming that yes, he will be staying here.   
  


You follow them into the house, pausing when everything seems a little too quiet. “Where’s Jake?”   
  


“Aradia dragged him off to explore some new ruin she found,” Jane answers, giving you a knowing grin.   
  


“So he’s gonna be back in like three days, right?” you can’t help but laugh, though it fades a little as Dirk lays Eridan on the couch and Jane cups his face in her hands.   
  


Her brow furrows, vines of green spreading from her skin to his as the smell of spring sweeps over the room. Rather than the gentle fading of the glow you’re used to, it’s cut short by a flash of white that sends Jane stumbling back, shaking her hands as if they had been burned.   
  


Dirk jumps up and you’re surprised that his hands are still free of sword. “Jane?”   
  


“I’m fine, I’m fine,” she assures him, rubbing her hands together and giving Eridan a concerned look. “…I’ve never seen someone reject healing like that. I barely managed to get anything fixed.”   
  


You tentatively reach out to take her hands, glad to see that there doesn’t seem to be a mark on them. “Maybe you can try again when he wakes up?”   
  


She nods, but you can see the conflicting emotions in her eyes. You give her a quick kiss and watch a soft smile overtake her expression. “He can stay in my room. I’ll just have to bunk with you for a while,” you say with a wink.   
  


“Like you don’t do that already,” she huffs, but she’s still smiling and that’s a good sign.   
  


Before her sad face can come back, you’ve scooped Eridan off of the couch and carried him upstairs, kicking open the door to your room. You set Eridan on the bed, pausing for a moment to nudge a glass bottle further under it.   
  


The ache is stronger now that you’re looking at the bottle, but you force yourself to sit in front of your laptop.   
  


tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]   
  


TG: hey rosie   
  


TG: gues who i found   
  


TG: gotta keep it on teh dl tho   
  


You glance back at the bed as you wait for a reply, rubbing your temple and reminding yourself how proud Jane was of you when you quit.   
  


Dirks words echo through your head, driving the ache deeper.   
  


You can’t save everyone.   
  


Your jaw sets as you turn back to the computer. Like hell you can’t.


End file.
